Arranged Marriage in Turkey: A Conversation on a Boat

One evening, while travelling by boat with a group of American guests, we began talking about our families. Each evening, our conversation turned to a different subject, and that night someone asked about my mother and father.

I told them that my parents had married through görücü usulü, a traditional way of introducing a couple with marriage in mind. My answer caught their attention, and they wanted to know more.

Their questions reminded me that an expression familiar to one person can be entirely new to another. What did an arranged introduction mean? Had my parents met before? Who made the decision?

To explain, I shared my family’s story.

My Parents’ Story

My father’s family had heard that there was a young woman who might be considered for marriage. They went to visit her family, and it was during that visit that my mother saw my father for the first time.

At one point, my mother’s mother asked her whether she wanted to marry him. My mother did not cry, and her family took this as a sign that she agreed. The families went ahead with the marriage.

It was a brief story, but it gave my guests a glimpse of a different generation and a different way of approaching marriage. It also led us to talk about the role families once played in bringing couples together.

What Does “Görücü Usulü” Mean?

In Turkish, görücü usulü generally refers to a way of introducing two people with marriage in mind, often with the involvement of their families or people they know.

Traditionally, a relative or family acquaintance might suggest someone they thought could be a suitable match. If there was interest, a visit could be arranged so that the families—and the prospective couple—could meet.

What happened after that introduction depended on the people involved, their circumstances and the customs of their community. Some couples had opportunities to get to know each other before deciding to marry; experiences varied from one family to another.

An arranged introduction and a forced marriage are not the same thing. In an arranged introduction, the people involved may choose whether they want to continue. Forced marriage means that someone is pressured or compelled to marry without freely agreeing. Consent matters in any marriage, however a couple first meets.

A Tradition That Has Changed Over Time

In earlier generations, particularly in smaller communities, families often played a more visible role in helping young people meet. Social circles and expectations were different, and an introduction through family or acquaintances could be a familiar way to find a partner.

Today, people in Turkey meet in many ways: at school or work, through friends, online or through their families. Some couples involve their families from the beginning; others meet and decide for themselves before introducing their partners to their families.

There is no single experience that describes every family in Turkey. Traditions and expectations can differ between regions, generations and individual households.

More Than One Way to Understand a Country

That evening on the boat, my guests’ curiosity took us beyond the places we had visited together. A question about my parents became a conversation about family, relationships and how customs change.

As a guide, I value these moments. A journey is not only about seeing historical sites or beautiful landscapes. It is also about the questions we ask, the stories we share and the chance to understand a place through the lives of its people.

Sometimes, a simple family story can become one of the most memorable conversations of a trip.